Adversity is Overrated

I have a confession to make: I'm concerned about how this is going to sound….but I don't even have any other way of putting it, soooo I'm just going to trudge on and be extremely blunt.

With the way I've phrased that, by the way, I'm sure you're piqued about what it is I could possibly say that's so 'bad', but it's more of…you know how you're always told to be cautious about what you put 'out there' because you never know how it might come back to haunt you? This is that kind of thing - I really have no idea about how anything untoward could come out of it, but it's still a thought on my mind. And I just wanted to mention that.

Now let's just get to the point, haha.

There was a day when I was in a bit of a funk.

By which I mean a lot of one - and I'm using vague words only because I'm not sure what to call it. It doesn't really matter, anyway - what I need you to know is that it was a deep low. And where that's leading to, well…it's going to be easier for me to give you an uninterrupted stream of the kind of thought process I was having - and then we can talk about it.

'No, things aren't really that bad.'

'But I feel pretty awful.'

'You've no reason to though, and you know it.'

'Yeah, well, maybe.'

'You know what the real problem is? You just want to wallow. You read these things about being proactive and you talk about it, too, but the fact is, you'll never be that person. You can't, and you're just a hypocrite. But of course you're too proud to ever admit that, so you're playing up the negativity to make it seem like it's something 'real' - so that you have an excuse to whine.'

'Umm…ouch. But that makes sense, I think.'

'Of course it does! That's exactly what is going on, and you don't even have to ask why you'd do it. You know, deep down. You're just crummy and boring but you don't want to be, so you're trying to add some depth to your personality by forcing issues and pretending that you've got 'substance'.

Stop.

That's it.

Very abrupt, I realize, but we've gotten to the bit that I wanted to shine the spotlight on - that last statement.

It really got me thinking about how adversity is so romanticized. Th

​e way mental illness is - which is me being repetitive, isn't it? Because mental illness is another type of adversity - though I feel like using the second example gives you a better idea of what I mean. I'm guilty of it too, by the way - clearly - if I weren't, it would have been easy to dismiss that voice in my head. It didn't happen, though, and instead I started to ask myself how I'd become an offender.

The answer is pretty straightforward: it's because of how we've been socialized.

Okay, that's kind of the root of all social problems we have, but…like, think about it. It's in everything - in both little and big ways. As kids, we're told fairytales about how good overcomes evil (and that's what makes the good thing good). We see advertisements where every product helps someone 'overcome' a problem - so in ads like drinking coke to overcome fatigue, it's really subtle (and you could rightly argue that maybe I'm pushing things by using this as an example), but I think it's there. It's people who come out on top of some great trouble who we laud….and so on. I said it's in everything - but I don't intend to type it all out.

Now, the thing is, I'm not disputing that adversity breeds character.

It absolutely does.

And I do respect people who get through it - this isn't about that at all.

I'm very very very aware of how it sounds like I'm trying to take away from 'deserving' celebrities and going to the defensive about it right away - I think this might be the cause of that initial discomfort, actually - but I'm going to trust you to believe that that's not what I'm trying to do here.

What this is about is, somewhere between the lines, we've inferred that not experiencing adversity makes someone inferior.

And I think that's silly.

Once again, I'm not saying that navigating tough situations doesn't make you smarter or wiser or better equipped to deal with other issues. It definitely does. Practice makes perfect and all that, basically - but if you just don't find yourself in such a situation, that's okay too!

I feel pretty stupid typing this now, to be honest - but what the heck. Think about those first world problems jokes we see…like when the plumbing has an issue and they find themselves stuck. It's so easy for us to smirk and point fingers and say that 'they have no idea how bad things are in the rest of the world' - and while that is objectively also true, there's a superiority/inferiority connotation in that that I'm not happy with.

It's not their fault that they don't know these struggles!

Furthermore, it isn't even necessary that they do.

I say that in the same spirit as I always do that 'nothing is absolute', by the way. For their own sake, in the interest of expanding their horizons and that sort of thing, I'd say 'yes, it would be good if they found out how good they have it', but I don't want to be a person who says that with a smug aura of 'I've been through that and so I'm 'better' than them for knowing how to deal with it.'

I'm pretty sure it's not as major a thing as I'm pointing it out to be - I'd hate to think that we all keep walking around with smug self-righteousness (or whatever it is we're calling this kind-of superiority complex), but I'm also inclined to believe that it is there. A little bit, at least.

And I think it's uncool.

Technically it doesn't matter, really - I know that, too: if someone were to get into my face and tell me about how I have no idea what it's like to live in a war zone and that I'm not as strong as an army vet, I'd just nod along and say 'yeah', and I wouldn’t feel guilty about this ignorance, either…so if we want to go along that tangent (of it not mattering at all because nothing does), then you've kind of wasted your past five minutes.

And we don't want that, do we? (The answer is no, we don't. Because I refuse to have typed all of that for nothing).

I know I haven't built up much of a case for not being smug - because that's the most concise way to put it - and 'it's uncool' counts for absolutely nothing, but, you know…it's an idea. I'd actually like to know what you think about this. Do you think adversity is overrated? Is it something that anything can be done about?

I usually end my articles along that note, buuuut I had this other thought that I needed to put out there. Another disclaimer, if you will - I realize that outright declaring that adversity is overrated could be used as an excuse for complacency, and…once again, you know that's not what I meant. There's a difference between not knowing something because of your circumstances, and deliberately seeking to remain ignorant.

I said it before and I'll repeat it: I'm not saying that residents of first world countries shouldn't ever try to appreciate how great their plumbing is (and we're sticking to this because it's the first example that came to mind and I already typed it above and I can't be bothered to change it - though, yes, you're right, it would have been easier to do that than type this mini-essay). All I'm saying is that we (us developing-nation individuals) don't really need to sit here and poke fun at them.

That, by the way, was where I'd initially ended this article. (I hope you know I type this stuff up prior to the day I'm about to post - and currently I've been working with a backlog that goes in the double digits, so some of these things are even older)

I have yet another addendum now – which is why I didn’t end that article where it technically should have/could have - it's coming from my newfound (and thus far, very shallow) knowledge of the Enneagram.

Which is yet another personality type classification system thing.

Basically, it puts people down as being one of nine types (let me blow your mind, this system has types 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9!) based on, among other things what their basic/primary fears and motivations are. Fears, in this case, are not your off-the-mill spiders and snakes, nor the typical phobias like claustrophobia - but rather, the woke-sounding spiritual things like 'the fear of being corrupt and evil' and 'the fear of being unaccomplished and worthless'

It all sounds very generic, by the way, so I won't hold it against you if you've raised an eyebrow and are reading over this skeptically, thinking that I've gone too far with this personality type BS - and I agree that most people can identify with everything, but I think I'm actually buying into this.

Like I said though, I still don't know enough - the first bunch of tests I did gave me a couple of different results (though at least it's consistently been a contest between 4 and 5, if you're curious), so I've got my own skepticism too…but it's still something I haven't dismissed entirely. Actually, I redid a test that a friend recommended (she believes!), and I got a solid 5, and reading the descriptions, I felt like maybe that is my type.

We're actually going to have to go with that, because that's what has motivated this afternote.

Assuming I'm a five, my primary fear is that I'm afraid of being helpless and inadequate. I've put that word in bold because, as I've alluded to already, that doesn't mean it's the only one. Now, if that were true, that would put this whole article in a very different light.

I mean, yes, it's always been established that I'm writing what I think, and that I don't expect 100% concurrence, nor do I believe that my 'truth' is the only one, but if we're to go with the underlying theme that my personality type is one of a big ol' chicken, then it could be that I am greatly, greatly deluded instead.

Does that make sense?

If my 'normal' articles are painted with a 10% shade of 'discreditation', then this one, on accord of being written by a type 5, has a 30% intense shade of 'don't take this too seriously'.

Yes?

Please tell me you understand what I mean?

That said, I think I'm going to have to read through multiple descriptions of each type, imagining that they're describing me, and seeing how well I relate to them. Because, you know, if I go in deciding I'm definitely a type five, chances are, I'll force myself to not-relate to the others- and therefore make a biased assessment.

I'll keep you updated on that. For now though, it was just something I couldn't ignore.

Also, I'm done now.

As always, thank you for reading!

Do tell me what you think, please?

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