Why a Forced Gap Year Might Have Been The Best Thing To Have Happened To Me
Ahh, finally.
I don't know if you're thinking that, too, but I, for one, am. If we've ever spoken about anything related to the current situation with my education, I've told you this even before: I don't mind this forced gap year. It's been pretty awesome...in fact, I'll actually write an article about it.
Well, here it is.
The finally bit might actually be just me – I've procrastinated on doing this for a ridiculously long time. (My OneNote tells me that I first created the page for this article on Feb 14th...). I have a hypothesis about why I haven't felt the burning urge to write this sooner though (despite how strongly I feel this): I'd internalized a lot of things about how I got to this conclusion of 'this is a good thing' a long time ago, and new things keep coming up – so I've been in a state of 'let's see what else comes up before I make a full report'.
It isn't relevant though – this is me just spelling out things in my head because it seems to be interesting. Also, I'm a low key narcissist like that? (And I didn't just get tendinitis like that!)
Anyway. As usual, I'll indicate that we're going to get to the heart of the matter, then delay by first 'setting the scene'. If you're a UoN student, you can skip this bit – this is where I briefly explain how it is that my class got treated to a (forced) gap year. You could also skip it if you already know...or want to get to why I'm not complaining about it. Basically, before we joined the med program in September 2013, my university tried this 'double intake' thing – and so there were students enrolled in the program in May 2013, as well as in January 2014. Fast forward to the clinical years in the hospital, we're suddenly faced with a situation where there is only so much room (in terms of wards and classroom settings) for students, and we're finding that we have to wait for the peeps ahead of us to finish before we can join. If lecturers go on strike (which they do) and our seniors don't finish on time, the domino effect ensures that we don't start on time either.
That's basically how we finished exams in November 2017 and were told we'd resume in June 2018 (well, there was drama and delay from the General Election as well, but that's immaterial) and how we got a gap year halfway through undergrad med school.
Take a minute to get out all your 'le gasp. OMG. I'm so sorry's out of your system.
There are two things here – one, I'm aware that a year's delay messes up a lot of things for a lot of people, especially those who had charted out a timeline in terms of when they'd start earning etc. It's screwed up – and I do feel for my colleagues who are in that position. In fact, it kind of makes me feel bad about going on about how 'it's not so bad' - I feel like I'm being very self-centred and selfish, and I do apologize for that.
Another part of me just wants to share this story though. Even if it sounds callous (which it does) - about this whole situation, all I can say is that it is what it is. Nothing about it can be changed – the only variable that can be altered is what those months could be filled like, and this is where the whole 'my forced gap year might be the best thing to have happened to me' is coming from.
A little comment on the timing of this gap year, first. It's come halfway through medical school and when I'm approaching my mid-20s (sort of - and yes, really.), and, in my opinion, it's the best possible time this break could come (if it absolutely had to). I like to think that I'm at a point where I am both 'well into' medicine, and also still malleable/plastic enough to take on (or at least try) new non-medical things. Does that make sense? I feel like I am at a point where I know, for sure, that medicine is what I want to do – so in terms of impeding my career, this gap year hasn't done that. I don't know how much of an issue/non-issue this is in general, so I don't know if this is even that important, but that's something I want to mention anyway. In terms of 'feeling like a medical student', and my willingness to be one, the break has had no adverse effects.
At the same time, I've not been the happiest when I've done only med-related things (throwback to first year, anyone? Maan I was miserable – in as much as most of it was self-inflicted).
This break has come at a time when I feel 'mature' enough to make decisive calls on what else to do...which sounds like vague gibberish, I realize, but let's approach this with an example and a little more background, okay?
In general I think that people can pick up whatever hobby/skill they set their minds to, at any point in life
To make significant advances in it though, one has to dedicate a lot of time to honing that skill
This is why there is a pervasive question of whether one wants to be a jack of all trades and master of none, or vice versa
I've decided that while I do like knowing a lot of random things, my 'core' can only be a limited repertoire of things that I will really sink my teeth into.
I feel like I'm at an age where I can decide on what that 'limited repertoire' will consist of; and it's such that I won't end up spending hundreds of hours on them only to find that actually, this isn't what I want to do (and damn I've lost so much time (that I could have used to get better at ABC!)).
That said though, I do genuinely believe that any time spent in the pursuit of something new is never a waste. Never
That, of course, isn't to say that
I know 100% and am open to nothing else now
I'd condemn anyone who found their heart elsewhere after X period of time
I'd hold onto what I've chosen now because of the time already given to it – sometimes in life you've just got to accept sunk costs
Such decisions cannot be made at any other time, or that they should be made at the soonest
(i.e. nothing is absolute!)
Everyone should do what they want to...seriously. There's no sense or meaning in going by others' rulebooks and dying miserable, if you ask me – but that's besides the point entirely.
I'm just the type of person whom it would sting to think I've done a lot of something all for nothing (although I do appreciate the hedonistic value of some things so doing stuff for just sheer enjoyment does count, in my opinion...) - and so I'm glad that I feel like I can trust myself to make a call and that it will stick.
Of course, given that we're always the oldest we've ever been, chances are we're also at our personal best in terms of maturity – it's intuitive that I'm most confident in me now as opposed to any other time...but again, that doesn't matter. (I wander off on a lot of tangents, don't I?)
This is all about what's been good about the gap.
#2 pertains to the fact that I really, really needed a break. Prior to this, I'd been in a state of chaos in my own head (even more so that I am sometimes! Le gasp). This time out has been beneficial to help me clear it out. Once again, it isn't to say that this couldn't have happened if school had remained on, or that I absolutely needed all these months, but that's the thing about life – you never get to truly find out how an alternative compares to what you're getting. Maybe I'd be as okay as I am now. Maybe I'd be even better. Or, you know, maybe I'd be in a state of chronic stress – who knows? Even if this is me forcing issues, it doesn't change my gratitude towards the time out.
That one's just a by-the-way though – I have one main aspect that I'm happy about that I'd thank the gap year for. As always, I'll backtrack a bit and give a brief on why this is a big deal for me, specifically. I'm the type of person who is, well, slow. In general, it takes a lot of time for me to adopt new things. 'Adopt' meaning become fully attached/committed, in this case.
At the onset of this break, I was (still am?) the person who would take measured steps out of her comfort zone. Tiny measured steps, that is (although I was once told that with my height, it's unlikely that I could ever take anything other than small steps - which, by the way, is one of the funniest comments I've ever got on being short. So you know where the bar lies as of now, for when you want to come at me).
I wouldn't, won't easily disrupt my usual plans to do something entirely different (and wreck whatever schedule/timeline I'd decided upon). If I need ABC hours to write, cook and work out, for instance – and they are non-negotiables for that day (I specify because sometimes something can be cooked on another day), and you then ask me at the last moment to participate in (for instance) a talk that's happening that day, 99% of the time I'll decline. It mostly depends on how much my grand schedule would be derailed – if there's margin for covering up later that's okay – but in general, what I'm saying is that I'm not the most spontaneous person on Earth. I don't even feel too apologetic about it, to be honest.
You can tell where this is going, I assume.
With school out of the picture, it's been easier to say 'yes' to things, explore them fully, and make the decision to prioritize them.
Cue: another example. There was this sub-regional training (med-school related, don't worry about details) that was held over four days, and, primarily because I wasn't in school, I signed up for it. Normally, missing a Friday and Monday off uni isn't something I would do (read: There's paranoia about missing a CAT. Because I'm paranoid about that translating into a supp because le marks vanish / sorting out a resit isn't easy) – but now that I've seen how fun ('worth it') it can be, I'm more confident about taking a 'risk' of missing class for it. I'm more encouraged to be proactive about these things – and given how enormous the impact of this has been on my life, I really cannot overstate how much this means to me.
This is where the timing of everything comes into play yet again – I'm glad to have come to this awareness when I have 3 more years of opportunities to come, rather than at the very end, at which point I imagine I would be upset about the missed opportunities (or, actually, if I'm brutally honest, I'd tell myself that I'm okay because #priorities at the time didn't allow it and just be content – but that's because there's no point in crying over spilled milk...).
Of course, I could have taken that leap of faith without being in school – and again, I'll say that I don't know that I wouldn't have gone for it (I do though) - it doesn't change that I'm thankful for the gap year though.
Another issue related to timing, by the way: it's cool when it's come when I'm not yet a graduate doctor with all the responsibilities of...you know, a full-fledged doctor. Or even adult. At that point, I assume there would be other priorities which wouldn't allow me to 'explore' the things I'm able to explore now, if that makes sense. I don't think there would be as much freedom to sign up for a random course on anthropology on Open2Study, just to see how it goes, is what I mean. And at the same time, I cannot justify dedicating energy right now to, say, figure out what I want to specialize in. I'm just typing out the first thing that comes to mind that would fit with what I'm trying to communicate, by the way, so just take home the underlying message as opposed to the specific examples, yeah?
Also, writing is another something I've been able to 'consolidate' into my routine (well, sort of – either way, it’s more a part of my identity than it ever has been before) – and the value of this again pertains to timing. Because of when this gap year has happened, I've gotten to blogging etc much sooner than I would have otherwise. Given how rewarding this experience has been (and how much I get out of writing), I feel extra grateful that I'm getting to experience this sooner rather than later. Please tell me that made sense.
I've also used that T word a lot of times, haven't I? (I mean timing. Because I've actually said a lot of things and so this 'T' word reference might not be clear)
It's made me feel like I've just been going about in circles and saying the same things over and over again.
Which means that I'm out of substance now, doesn't it.
I'm not satisfied leaving it at that point, though. So, let's just do a quick recap with the gist of things, please?
The gap year gave me the time and opportunity to try things on my own terms. So it 'allowed' me to have experiences I doubt I'd have had otherwise. (Isn't that true for everything in life though, with the concept of opportunity cost...but you get what I mean, right).
These things were 'worth it'
I now have insight and as a result I know how I can do better with the opportunities yet to arise.
The timing is perfect. It's come when I feel 'mature' enough to do things, so whatever it is I do, it'll be more meaningful. Things I commit to now, as opposed to had it been 3 years ago, are more likely to stick, too, and that makes me happy.
At the same time, I'm not even that aged that I'm not open to other things
It's all good, yo!
I have no intention or interest in being sad about something I can't control anyway – not that I'm forcing issues here with having a list of things to be grateful for/about. I genuinely am thankful about how things have played out, so...you don't need to feel sorry about 'the situation'.
I'm not.
*
A little announcement (and this is very ironic) - I'm going to take a little break from this space now. I don't intend to stop writing, or anything - but I do want a time out, and so I won't be updating this blog for a bit - though I'll probably still keep posting on IG (follow me @spicesuturescribble if you don't already!) every so often. Don't worry, everything's alright. And this doesn't mean that I don't want to hear your comments on this! Please, do hit me up!