Dealing with Anxiety/Uncertainty
This one is long overdue…but if that's surprising in any way, I welcome you into this realm that you've now stepped into, away from the rock you've been living under, of course.
Okay, that was unprovoked (she says as though she never does that otherwise) - but let's just get to the heart of the matter? My 'prompt' was 'Uncertainty'. It was a lot more detailed than that, to be fair - the general idea was for me to give you my two cents on dealing with uncertainty in the way that 2021 is basically 2020 v2.0, and how to cope when there's a constant sense of 'things are about to go wrong', rather than 'personal' anxiety…but you're going to see that I see the two things as not-very-different from each other, so this probably applies to everything. As a disclaimer, I don't think I'm actually going to say something new. Heck, it's only because writing has been so sporadic, that I don't know that this isn't another version of The Most Important Article I May Ever Write - but since it's been that long and since I'm not sure, methinks that you, the reader, won't really complain about the possible repetition (she says as though her inbox is flooded…which sounds so salty, but really, it's never that serious so it's all good - which doesn't mean that I don't absolutely love hearing from you! AP, ZM, feel the love!). That's also a good three paragraphs of a preamble, therefore my subconscious can now permit me to get to the damn point. Another side note though, there's a Mark Manson video that puts things a lot more concisely than I do - though I promise, I'm not copying him. In fact, the main reason I've 'registered' his video is because it agreed with conclusions I've made in the past by myself…anyway. Now to the point, and my three word summary for how to go about dealing with uncertainty is…Roll With It.
Wow Aditi, so helpful you is. Hear me out. The reason I put anxiety as anxiety, regardless of what the 'subject' is, is that it boils down to the same thing - a sense of unease about outcomes unknown to us. Whether I'm worried about strain 30743 of the coronavirus or just how I'll handle being put in a position where I'll be synthesizing new 'knowledge' in the wards, the thing that's making me feel less than okay is the part where I don't know. And when I don't know, how do I plan? How do I know what to do at that time? How do I know that I'll be able to figure it out, if I don't have advance notice? What if I'm unable to do it at that point? What will the consequences of that be? What if it's going to be something that.. It's a dangerous slippery rabbit hole to go down, and I could just keep going, till we're asking the same questions about increasingly less likely-to-happen events arising from the initial concern, but you get the point. It's just the descent - I'm worried about A, I imagine B as a consequence, I worry about B, imagine C as a consequence…and this is probably why one of the famous pieces of advice on dealing with anxiety is 'stop, breathe, recognize that B is unlikely to happen, C even less so..'…but that really doesn't do much for me, personally. Probabilities are relevant only to a certain point - the thing actually happening vs not is ultimately binary (yes or no), so the 'odds' of it don't really comfort me.
What do I think works, then?
Think about what actually is in your control, something you can do, that may make a difference towards the final outcome, and act. Using the generic example of school - if, one week to the exam, I'm worried, it might help my final result if I study now. (My cutoff is the night before - at that point, I'm unable to lie to myself that I'll suddenly know something I didn't already). If there's nothing you can do, though
2. Vaguely (i.e. without ironing out every single detail) imagine the worst case scenario, and try envision how you'd be okay with it. These are Mark's words, but they're much more concise than my 'what's the worst that could happen? Nothing is absolute, it doesn't mean you *have* to be devastated, it's never that serious…'. The only thing I'll add here is, the reason I say not to iron out details is because it feels demoralizing to keep dwelling in that negativity. I do think, though, that it's comforting to think in broad strokes like, 'okay, worst case scenario, I'll fail and I'll feel stupid and others might judge me…and then life will go on.'
3. Sometimes though, it really do be that serious and non meh-able, and in that case, there really isn't anything you can do, other than accept your discomfort, and wait for reality to unfold. You can do all that you can, 'just in case', but that's a lot more limited and sometimes impractical (I mean, I can't just create a new identity and move to a new country because I'm anxious that the crime I committed will be discovered…), and in those cases, really, all you can do is try stay calm (just because that's a nicer headspace to be in, and sometimes it inspires creativity) and wait for the moment of truth. There's also an element of blind faith here - in order to regain the calm, you may have to just trust that even without the headstart, you will be able to figure out what to do at that point. Yes, you don't have any concrete evidence to tell you that you 'will' manage, and the confidence may be lacking, too, but…you know, try hold onto hope that if the time comes, you'll manage.
That last one is in no way a 'definitive' solution - but that's just how life works, is it not? I don't know any better, and neither does anybody else. The pandemic has really brought that to light, I feel - it's brought out a hundred different responses and emotions that nobody was really prepared for making and experiencing beforehand, and it's been messy and ugly (did you really think I was going to say 'it's all turned out okay'? In that case, I withdraw my welcome from the start) and all levels of confused and disorganized…and that's just how it is.
Is it 'ideal'? No.
But to think that it would be, or 'should' be, is the bigger problem in my opinion. We've been socialized into thinking that everything 'has' to be one neat and tidy story, so at the back of our minds, we're always trying to make it 'fit' and figure out how the next event ties in with that narrative we think we're meant to come off with…and that really brings more grief than any other thing. It's the way, in autoimmune diseases, or even Covid, it's the body's response to the infection that's worse than the pathogen itself - our response brings more pain than what actually is.
Which is why: roll with it. If you can alter course, try to do that. If you can't, stop telling yourself that there's only one route or specific destination that could ever 'work out', accept that you'll just have to see for yourself when it actually happens, and in the meantime for the way there, buckle up!