Six Keys to Locking the 'Let's Doubt Ourselves' Door

On September 06, 2018, I wrote a lot of thank you notes…and as you might know, either because you know me or because you've read this poem of mine, I'm a sucker for this type of thing, so in as much as I've cut down on a lot of the preamble that would otherwise have preceded this sentence, I think I can assume that you appreciate how much of a 'serious business' this was to me. (Also, unrelated to anything, that was all one sentence. Le wow)

It was so serious, in fact, that a month prior to D-day, I wrote out the whole list of names just so that I wouldn't forget anyone, then proceeded to jot down what I may possibly write to them, because I wanted to 'do it right' and not miss out anything.

I only mention this, by the way, so that I can tell you about how I ended up using none of that when I actually got around to writing the letters.

It's kind of comical, really, how I saw the whole list and thought, 'well, that was an exercise in futility if there ever was one,' (though I think I say that more often than I should, in all fairness), then went on to seal everything up without even comparing what I actually wrote and what I'd thought I'd write, and moved on with life.

I throw that in so casually, but this is actually pertinent to the story, I promise - because it's quite uncharacteristic of me. I'm the type that hoards memories and keeps copies of what's been said/done, as a 'just in case' measure for a time when I may want to reassure myself that I didn't say anything 'wrong' - but in this case, I didn't do that. The thought of taking a picture so that I'd have a record of what I wrote did cross my mind, I confess, but then I found myself thinking that there was no need, and that surprised me(!)

So of course I went on to try to figure out how and why I was so okay with having no control-freak tendencies in this situation, and basically, my 'findings' will make up the body of this article. (Yup, that was all backstory. That doesn't surprise you though, does it?)

The title already tells you that I think it could be because of an intrinsic confidence that I cannot explain, but I do have to say this too: the complete opposite could also be valid. It could just as well be that subconsciously I'm so terrified of having done it 'wrong' or having regrets, that I don't want to give myself the opportunity/platform to fault-find.

But let's take the positive option, shall we?

It just got me thinking, 'if this is what it feels like to be absolutely confident in my own writing - and it's a very nice feeling indeed - how cool would it be for an individual to have that in general about themselves?'

And that, in turn, led to, 'what about the letter writing can I extrapolate to life in general?'

I tried to dissect why it is that I did things so atypically and felt so OK, and then scaled it up to general life principles that could hold a clue as to having confidence in yourself…and although none of it is too radical or earth-shattering, I feel like it would make for a cool article.

So, here we go!

1. Be genuine

It's really hard to have doubts about what you're doing when your heart's in the right place - and by 'right' we can just go with 'morally acceptable', if nothing else. With my notes, I did wonder for a moment if it might be 'too much', to be honest, but I was SO grateful that it felt like the notes weren't even adequate to express that. It just means the world and more to me when people give me their time and patience and acceptance - which is why you'll always receive my thanks for taking the time to read my writing. It's not just manners and formality - I do recognize that you could have a billion other things to do, and…okay, sorry, not the point. We were talking about genuity. It's rather easy - if you mean no harm and it's coming from a good place, it's hard to be 'afraid'.

2. Don't do it for others.

This might sound like a thinly-veiled repetition of what I said above, but it isn't. With my thank yous, I just wanted to convey a sentiment. For me. In as much as I would hope that it might brighten the recipient's day somehow (or just add any kind of value), that was not my primary motivation. If I'd started to think in terms of 'I hope that as ABC reads this they feel XYZ', I know I wouldn't have gotten far, because there really is no way to know for sure how someone will react.

3. Take your time and be present fully in each moment

That sounds like I pulled it off the very top of the list of 'ultimate cliché things to say', but joke's on you, I got it from the middle. I kid. In as much as it's not news, this 'realization' actually spawned from when I remember thinking ,'okay, I really can't do better than this.'

Sounds hella arrogant, but what I mean is, at one point, I was all, 'maybe I should recheck with my earlier list', but that quickly transitioned to 'dude don't be so ridiculous. You can't write down everything, and it's not like you're rushing - you're thinking about it and writing what comes to mind in that moment, and that's good enough'. You could call it laziness, but nah. I'm usually very honest if that's what I'm doing. I didn't want to overthink the letters and sound scripted is what it was.

This actually flows into the next thing, by the way, which is

4. Know what you want

To the recipients, it wouldn't have made much of a difference whether or not I used another list to make my notes, and I know that. What would have made a difference though, was that I would feel like it wasn't spontaneous, and it would bother me. So…I did what I wanted to. And it felt good. And obviously I couldn't have done that if I hadn't known what I was going for.

5. Practice!

This is going to sound arrogant, but I kind of trust my prose-writing abilities - so I wasn't worried that I'd end up writing things in a very wrong way or that I'd end up sounding weird (and no, my standards aren't that low). It's not because I'm a next-level master, but rather, because I've started to write the wrong thing so many times that I've learned well how to 'save' the situation and make it sound…acceptable. (So I realize that with that confession I might have undermined your trust in me…oops?)

How did that happen, you ask?

My journal.

I never thought it counted for anything or added any value, to be honest, until I realized that I use the same 'voice' in my journal as I do with notes I write to people (and in these articles!). And trust me as I tell you that it's a frequent occurrence for me to write some of the most grammatically incorrect and outright bizarre sentences in there. BUT because I try to avoid canceling, I've gotten lots of practice with rephrasing and altering my sentences…which means that I feel fairly competent with writing a final 'casual' piece on the first go

6. Remember there is no absolute!

I've written about this in depth so I won't dig in (but see why I feel like this is the most important article I may ever write?), but in this context, even I know that there is no standard for thank you notes. Ergo, I cannot 'fall short' (in the figurative sense, anyway - because some of you will be happy to point out that I'm not even 5'2). It's hard to fear being wrong when you know there's no yardstick that you have to measure up against, and it's the same with so many other things in life, I believe - we just tend to forget that sometimes.

Heck, this is kind of why I even continue my non-smooth endings to articles. It isn't ideal, still - in my opinion, anyway - but I also kind of don’t care very much and nobody has yet messaged to say that they've stopped reading my stuff because of the rough landings (not that anybody messages - they just do the tactful thing and ignore me, but it's all good).

I hope you see what I’m doing here, by the way.

No, not subtly asking you to respond - you'll do that yourself if you like, but this is how I bring that we're at the end. I done!

Thanks for reading!