On Trusting the Process
It's been a while (note how I refuse to use the phrase 'hot minute', just because I don't fully get where it originated from and clearly don't value this tendinitis-free period enough, that I'm adding a lot more words than necessary, had I just succumbed to the latest trend), and honestly, this wasn't even planned as a topic I might want to address someday…but, you know, sometimes you have a semi-epiphanic moment, and you feel inspired to talk about it.
This is a mini (or maybe not so mini, because I am not known to strictly keep things short when I have a say over it (though I'm not mad at my pituitary for stopping with the growth hormone early on…)) reflection on what the title alludes to - but before I get there, we've got to take a detour. I'm repeating myself here (but that's why I still think this was the most important article I'd ever written), but it's important for me to throw out that I'm a big believer of nothing being absolute, and there being no guarantees. So the ideal I'm trying to get to, is to just live in this present moment, and do what I'm doing for this moment, rather than for some obscure (or otherwise) benefit awaiting down the road. So, in as much as the case I'm going to build will be centered on trusting the process because of what follows, I'm not an advocate of doing that because you expect those results - those are just potential motivating by-the-ways. Does that make sense? What I'm saying is, I aspire to just do things in the moment, and let that, in and of itself, be the 'reward'…what comes later, if it does (because there's really no guarantee), is just an added bonus.
This in turn begs the question about what I'd propose one 'ought' to be doing (again, there's no absolutes so there's no 'ought'), and that would be a topic of three articles and fifteen novels - which I do value the tendinitis-free period enough to not get into, but to broad-stroke it, I think that there's most value in living according to what one's dharma dictates.
…Dharma?
Yep. Don't worry, this isn't going to take on a deep religious preachy dive - it's just the first word that came to mind because that's what my subconscious has been feeding on lately (thanks Jay Shetty and your book, Think Like a Monk!). Basically, dharma is duty…and then some. Think of it as doing what you gotta do, in order to do the best with what you can, given your current situation. So, like, if I'm a student, my duty as a student is to try and learn as much as I can, and to do it well. But nobody's one dimensional and so we've got multiple duties at a point in time - as a friend, I'd do well to be present for my peeps and be supportive and help them out etc. As a daughter, as a sister, as just a human being…there's different things, and you get the point, right? This isn't actually how Jay describes it - his is a broader view, about living according to your passion and purpose, in service of others, but for our purpose today, think of it in the way I've phrased it. Just so that it's easier to follow along. And so it follows that, when you're acting as per your 'dharma', you're basically just following the motions and doing what you gotta do. Period. Without really worrying too much about what will follow some fifteen years down the road.
Are you starting to see how this relates to the topic I said we'd be addressing?
Except, I'm not here to harp on about the joys of living in the moment. I mentioned this little moment I had, and now's the point I get to it:
I was working out. It was leg day, where first we did strength moves, then went into a cardio burnout. Granted, the strength portion didn't murder me in the way I'd hoped (read: I wasn't jelly-legging as I'd wanted to), but even then, I'd gotten my heart rate up a decent amount, so the cardio burnout was meant to be a bit of a finisher…but it wasn't. Not because there was anything wrong with the trainer - that one's actually on me for just not pushing myself a lot harder - but mostly because that burnout was the warmup I went through with Shaun T for years.
Not exactly, but a decent amount - with high knees and jumping jacks and mountain climbers featuring - and the effect this had on me was to basically make me sweat, but not actually struggle.
And that was kinda cool!
The thing is, even when I was a couple of years into the workout journey, you wouldn't have been able to tell - I certainly didn't look it, and no, I'm not trying to propagate that people have to look a certain way to be fit and healthy, what I'm saying, rather, is that I looked no different. I was too young and narrow-minded to truly note how different I felt so we won't go there - and instead you can appreciate how frustrated I was. I'd slog away with Insanity and Asylum and whatnot, and have nothing to show for it. Which sucked.
The only thing that kept me going was the simple awareness that if I quit, I'd definitely be stuck where I was. If I kept at it, I might get somewhere.
Long story cut short, that brought me to the point today where, among all the perks of having stuck to it (there's an article here if you want), one I got to enjoy was finding that my cardiac conditioning was still decent, even though I haven't Shaun T-ed in a while! We can agree that it was a minor thing in and of itself (I mean, if I hadn't been able to stick to the cardio, it wouldn't have translated to the end of the world) - but my point here isn't about that. It was more of, for that one instant, it did feel like all those years were worth it, and that was pretty cool! Plus there was the validation of thinking that it hadn't gone to waste - my efforts hadn't manifested in the way I'd wanted, all those years ago, but they did today, in a very unexpected way, and that's just nice.
I don't know if that's 'enough' motivation for anyone out there, but for me personally, things like this kinda reaffirm my belief in just doing what I'm doing, and make it a lot easier to trust the free fall we're all in, in the universe, with the comfort of believing that it'll all be alright. Whether or not that proves to be right, it matters not - in this moment though, it's a nice headspace to be in. And that's that! As always, thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your two cents about this, and any other thought you'd care to share :)