This Is When You Know It's Time to Move On
'Change is the only permanent thing'.
It's hard to have missed the memo when it's put out everywhere, whether it's through the weather or fashion or the list of employees at the White House - but oftentimes we're not cognizant of the process as it's happening, and sometimes we find ourselves blind-sided with the sudden realization.
Not that, of course, all change is bad. Sometimes we're just surprised, is all - and we may then, in our surprise, fail to recognize the significance of it. All changes are to be embraced with arms wide open, but in some cases, 'embracing' the change means letting go and moving on.
It can get very confusing at times. There are days when things feel not quite right, but we can't put a finger on it. None of the traditional 'red flags' resonate, and really, sometimes we question whether anything really is amiss, or if we're just feeling this way because we've had a long day. Other days, we wonder why we're holding onto a relationship that's so obviously dying.
Either way, it isn’t always straightforward that we need to start investing our energy elsewhere and transferring our eggs to other, more stable, baskets.
I think it's clear where this is going (if somehow the title didn't give it away already). Cue for Aditi to start off her list.
Most days of the week, your interests don't seem to line up. We have no clones and it’s completely natural to have different interests and have zero conversations on said interests, but if of late the once-comfortable silences are being replaced by the 'I-don't-know-what-to-say-to-you' silences, it might be a sign that you're growing apart.
You suddenly realize that the friendship hasn't given you much room to change or grow. Way back when, you despised rom-coms. Today, you wouldn't mind watching one, but they still only plan on catching horror flicks with you because that's supposed to be your only thing.
Or, the friendship itself hasn't grown. There’s nothing else ‘special’ you have to share except that inside joke on seagulls you had when you first met. There’s nothing new they have to say to you (but it’s not the same for other people and them). With others, the ‘special’ thing to say consistently refers to the latest thing they did together last week, but if you ask to hear about a special memory they have with you, it’s always the damn seagull.
The things that you thought wouldn't and shouldn't matter now do. Lunches and movies were once 'extras' that you didn't need to maintain the relationship - even without them, the two of you were always in sync. Now, memories from that last get-together serve like concrete evidence that something still exists.
You can't remember the last time you were on the 'take' side of the 'give and take' balancing act. This is self-explanatory - the only additional clause is: 'and you're not sure when you even wanted to be on the 'take' side of it, because there doesn't seem to be anything you find yourself wanting out of this person anymore'.
Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder. The (growing) distances aren't accompanied with the usual 'elevation-onto-a-pedestal-because-we-hold-onto-the-good-and-look-at-the-past-with-rose-colored-glasses' phenomenon; in the best case scenario, you're indifferent because really, you don't have the energy to be angry or upset.
You suspect that the day you stop reaching out is the last day you'll hear from them (unless they need something from you, of course). Maybe you've never had this thought till this very moment, or maybe you think it on every rare occasion you do find yourself calling them - either way, you also find that you don't know how to react. Whatever you're feeling though, it isn't an overwhelming wave of resistance or despair or a primal urge to fight to preserve what once was.
And that's the point when, despite any other arguments your rational brain may put up, you ought to know.
Let go.
Move on.
You owe it to yourself.