The Beauty of Unrequited Love

I realize I'm coming dangerously close to being accused of the very thing I said we humans do to pacify ourselves, that is, to rationalize whatever happens in life to make ourselves feel better, but hear me out. I honestly think there's a ton of upsides to being the person who cares for someone who just doesn’t feel the same way.

Mind you, I'm not saying it is #goals to consistently find oneself in that position, all I'm saying is, I don't think it has to be the big tragedy that it's made out to be. Well, technically, nothing really absolutely is or isn't anything, but in this case, I think there's actually some 'real' good that we can find here.

And I don't mean 'real good' in this way, either...

Before I get to it, though, I need to clarify on what I mean by 'unrequited love'. I'm thinking of a place where you know that your feelings aren't reciprocated, and that you've made peace with it. You don't take this 'rejection' to be a sign of your unworthiness, nor are you trying to change the other person's opinion of you through your behavior. I'm talking of a situation where you very well know that nothing would come out of it, but you don't lose sleep over it, nor do you restrict or withdraw your affection from that person (if that's even possible). It's a place where you unconditionally just feel and express warmth towards that individual, without expecting anything in return.

I keep emphasizing on the awareness and 'being okay' bit of it because I find that so critical - if you're hanging onto expectations, things just get messy. This also means that you continue living your life, as you please, without making adjustments or 'sacrifices' for them with the expectation that you will be rewarded for it. I can't emphasize this enough - and if I try, this article will go nowhere. Just remember that this is important, m'kay?

You know, for emphasis

In fact, it's only if you appreciate that, that you'll be able to understand why I feel, then, that you pouring out your affection to them becomes one of the most self-indulgent thing, ever. At that point, you do it purely because you want to. For no other reason than, some part of you believes it will feel good. And, you know, you're giving into that!

From that perspective, you can't really expect me to think it's pathetic to be this way, because, honestly, the feel-good value of doing what you want, only because you feel like it, far outweighs any shame or negative emotion you might rationally propose could arise. Since you have no expectation, you don't really have a 'framework' to decide what you 'deserve', so you never feel short-changed or undervalued because you care.

Added bonus, by the way - I tend to find that any action coming from this place tends to receive a positive response…not that you're worried about the outcomes in any case.

Furthermore, holding the title of 'one sided lover' means that you learn to appreciate something for just its goodness, and being content with that. Isn't that how we're told to live our lives on the whole? We're always being told to be appreciative and grateful for what there is in life, and we're also told not to have expectations….a one-sided affair fulfills both criteria, don't you think? It's a good reference point to have, actually - when you look at that and use it as a guide for how to truly appreciate other things.

Giving feels good, anyway. Who cares if you don't get something in return?

Which, by the way, as I'm arguing, isn't even the case. You do gain a lot, and adding onto that, consider this: I suggested earlier that you don't do anything to try to impress them or win them over. That doesn't mean that they don't influence your actions at all - I believe that just having someone that's out-of-reach-but-could-have-been in your life can be a powerful motivator to better yourself.

I add the 'could have been' clause because having that element of it possibly having worked out, as opposed to you and your celeb crush (who has no idea you exist, I'm sorry), makes everything else feel more 'achievable'. When you look at this very-real-and-within-your-pool person, and you decide to pick something you admire from them, or decide that you want to better a certain aspect of yourself because you'd feel like that's the quality of person they are, I think that's a little more realistic, and therefore more meaningful.

I really hope that's making sense.

Forgive me for over-explaining, if that is the case, but all I'm saying is, if I were to look towards Matt Damon, I might decide that, to be 'worthy' of him, I need to be able to qualify as a contestant on America's Next Top Model (LOL). If, however, I were to look at someone more 'attainable', I might decide that it'd be neat if I could be more…well-read (or something). The latter is both way more meaningful, and realistic.

Maaaaan.

I'll admit, I feel like I'm being way too 'shallow' about the way I'm saying everything, but I do sincerely hope the message is coming through.

Heck, if anything, I'd also argue that, even if you don't get to experience reciprocity, you're pretty darn lucky to at least meet someone who you think is all that, and then some. With the way #faithinhumanityrestored is such a big thing, I think, even meeting someone you deem special enough is something worth treasuring.

What about you? What's your take?

i.e. Do you agree, or is this what's going on between you and me right now?