The Story Behind My Poetry

Estimated Reading Time: 6 minutes (including a 30s video clip)

I've often been asked about this - 'What happened? Surely you've had an experience like that to make you write as emotionally as you do…' - and first of all, if you're someone who's asked me this, thank you! Not just because you showed an interest in my pieces, but because you got me to self-reflect deeply, which is a good thing. (Also, don’t stop reading just because I've answered you in the past! You might find a few things in here that didn't occur to me earlier…)

Second of all…well, there's no second. I'm going to get into it because I might just launch into a long unnecessary preamble that states nothing, kind of like these words you're reading now…

Okay, it's time to get down to business.

I'll start off by stating outright that there has been no terrible breakup with a boyfriend that you can 'thank' for driving my pen.

Nope, this is not it.

Photo by Shelby Deeter on Unsplash

I do realize that a lot (if not all) of my poetry can be interpreted in that light, and I don't blame you - it's the natural assumption. But that's precisely why I wanted to 'clarify' - I feel like we tend to overrate romantic relationships, in general. Why do we act like there's only one type of person or situation that could ever hurt us or that we would feel strongly about? I acknowledge that perhaps it's something I'd have to experience to know and my stance might change if/when that happens, or maybe I'm just an unhealthily emotional person - but either way, my stand right now is that we should give our other relationships more 'credit'.

You might be making inferences from that above rant and thinking 'Aha! But she has some foundation in experience to be writing these things!' - and you're right. I won't even pretend otherwise - I'm not some super empathetic genius who can write based purely off imagination. In fact, I actually don't believe it's possible to write anything emotional or moving without having experienced that sentiment in some form or another - so yes, I have felt hurt, I have felt angry, I have felt…well, all those things my poems imply - in one form or another. And if you're noting my repetition of 'one form or another', well done - that is actually the operative phrase. I'll openly state that people, particularly writers, exaggerate. You'd know this already if you ever paid attention to one English Lit class, so this shouldn't even shock you.

Guilty as charged

That, however, is not to say that my ego has never amplified my sentiments to the depth that my pieces would suggest - at times, I have indeed felt that sad/hurt/happy/strong - but at other times, I have exaggerated.

It's all about wordplay and trying to paint a clear picture, not only because you, as a reader, would connect, but because I personally need to feel like I'm expressing myself unambiguously. That requires me to think of images and ideas that I know will not be misinterpreted, and that, in turn, makes the poems read off as that much 'deeper'.

That's number one. Number two - my childhood (and ongoing ever-since) engagement with the Backstreet Boys' music has probably had a big role, too. Judge all you want, but their lyrics are super deep and emotional (cue background music: my hands and knees all bruised, now I'm crawling back to youuu…) and I honestly think I've subconsciously picked up something from this.

And don't even accuse me of aesthetic bias - I listened to them on casette!

Songs and poetry aren't that distant of cousins as it is - and if reading poetry makes you a better poet, I think it's fair to assume that listening to deep emotional lyric-focused music makes you more emotional, too. (By the way, I do have other artists in my playlist, I just picked on BSB because they're at the forefront).

Three- genetics. Okay, no, I kid - this would apply to anyone with exposure to Bollywood and Indian TV shows. It's a little ironic how this comes up considering how hard it is for me to get to watching things these days (I will never forget the look I got when I confessed to being stuck at the same point in the ultimate season of House for about 8 weeks…), but I credit these too - they are so ridiculously overdramatic sometimes! I shouldn't even have to make a case for this, but just in case, check out this 30 second clip of how extra and beyond we can get (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APHcYegE6ns).

Disclaimer: I did just randomly Google for it and I have no idea what that show is about but it illustrates my point beautifully. My hypothesis is that I've learned how to dramatize for maximum impact, as well as how to keep it in check (which is not to say I'll never go overboard, but I do think that I've got a good sense of what's too much by seeing so many fails). Who knew there could be something constructive to be gained from Indian TV?!

Mind you, I'm not recommending parking yourself in front of a screen…

Anyway. We're almost at the end of this 'expose' with reason number next being simple: sometimes, I just 'force issues'. What I mean is, there are moments when I've had random thoughts or have observed something that will leave me with a single line or thought. It has become instinctive for me to then ask 'how do I poetize that?', and voila. Just to illustrate, I'll refer you to one of my poems titled 'I Belong, Too' It was inspired by this moment when, in the middle of drought season last year, we had a cloudy day and I found myself thinking 'I bet people appreciate this today at least'. That was all. Everything else came from me trying to build up on that idea.

And that is all! (Unless you believe in astrology, that is - if you do, you can tack on my being a Leo and thus having a 'natural' flair for drama - and then that really is it. If you're considering this, by the way, Leos also like the spotlight and there's no better way to shine it on me than to give me your thoughts on the things I write, including this piece...).

Did I just sneak in my own pieces in here? Indeed. Rawr.

Or, as far as I can think, these are the main factors at play when I write emotional stuff.

I should ideally have a neat little 'conclusion' to wrap up this…essay, but I don't. As I close, I'd just like to ask you what you make of this. Any thoughts or comments of any kind, or, even better, if there's an observation you've made about me / something you know of me that I'm not seeing, do enlighten me, please!